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I never thought I’d feel this way again for a while, especially given being in a relationship.
I’ve been struggling on finding a balance between myself, and what I put into the relationship. Lately I’ve probably been too nice, too giving. It kinda sucks when you don’t realize it until you’re in too deep and then get a slap in the face.
It’s a flaw of mine, probably stemming from guys thinking I was too mean in past relationships. I overcompensated this time around.
I wish there wasn’t a tug of war, but he wants space and to move slower and I want to figure out where my life is going.
Why can’t we have it all?
What makes people drawn to be in a relationship, yet fearful of the idea of being tied down?
Man, I hate this part.
I need to be more creative.
Yes, it’s my blog, but I really need to talk about things other than myself.
Today I watched a free movie on campus (Hairspray! So good). It’s interesting because I think most of the people there were staff, given it was showing right after work.
This lady came in late, sat a few seats past me, and started laughing really loudly at every funny or semi-funny thing that happened. Yes, I should have been paying attention to the movie, but no one else was laughing. Literally, it was dead silent in the lecture hall of like 50-60 people.
I couldn’t figure out if I should laugh or not laugh.
It’s cool that people are so open. What makes people not care what other people think? I’ve heard that part of it is age, that once you’re 30 you really just don’t care. It might be personality too. I’m introverted. Introverted people are more comfortable being alone or in close groups of friends, but not necessarily shy. Regardless, this lady was definitely very extroverted.
My judgemental side wanted to clash with her, but the compassionate side said, “You’re just jealous, you know you want to laugh too.”
I started letting out some giggles, and other people eventually chimed in. Thank goodness. I mean come on, I shouldn’t have to worry about if I should laugh or not when watching a fun movie!
The end. 
