Indulging in the down side

I just got back from Chicago, a short two day visit mainly having to do with visiting a school I’d like to apply to. Before that was a wedding over the weekend and meeting the bf’s family for the first time, Easter before that (and him meeting my extended fam for the first time), and before that was a trip to LA to be a bridesmaid for one of my good friends.

It’s been a busy month.

Now I’m sensing it all coming to an end, as I don’t really have anything planned outside of the city for a while. It’s kind of relieving but at the same time, I’m getting kind of depressed. I always get this way, especially if there’s nothing (or no one) to distract me.

I’m trying to do productive things but at these idle moments, my mind starts wandering. It’s like I’m looking for ways to keep me at this state, from listening to sappy songs and giving my mind things to inquire and wonder about. Like past loves and past memories.

Do any of you ever get like this? I’m sure I’ll get out of this funk soon, maybe I just need a good night’s sleep. So far though, I’m wallowing deep in this blah-ness. I need to reach out.

To put it mildly….

it is damn near IMPOSSIBLE for me to sleep. So many things going on in my mind, I need room to breathe and time to sort things out.

The future is hazy, but at least it has some direction. That always helps. Career-wise, I’m doing okay for myself. Education-wise, I am lagging on the homework, but in the broad picture, going to check out a Master’s program I’m really interested in next week, in Chicago!

Some pieces fit, and some are falling apart. I miss a lot of things…SoCal weather, suburban living in Salinas, a place of my own in Daly City. The grass is always greener, hmm?

I’ll get those things back and more. But in the meantime, I want to make things right from where I am.

I want to find my passion for life again, give it all I have. Right now, I’m just floating from day to day hoping it ends up not-so-bad. It’s pretty sad.

What if this was my last day?

I would have failed my expectations.

From here on out…I want to seize each and every day, doing something worthwhile to me.

Yeah.